Why Deer Die

If you’re one of the fine people like me who has the privilege of living up north, the sight of deer is a relatively common occurrence.  After all, we did kind of rip through their forest in our urbanization of the area.  What I wonder about them however, is this; are deer suicidal?

Anyone that’s driven down an empty road late at night and hit one of these furry bastards has probably wondered the same thing as me.  How in the hell does a deer choose the exact moment of your car passing to make its frantic run across the street?  It’s almost like the deer waited for your car to bear down on the stretch of asphalt before taking a little stroll across the street.

This occurrence has lead me to believe that deer are the adrenaline junkies of the animal world.  It’s almost like a game they play with each other, a stupid dare.  Sometimes they win; most of the time they don’t.  I imagine it must go something like this:

Deer 1:  Dude, I bet you can’t run faster than that Explorer out there.

Deer 2:  That big thing?  I could beat it on three legs.

Deer 1:  Prove it then, dude.

Deer 2:  I will!  Watch this!  (Runs out and becomes part of a grill sandwich)

Deer 1:  Sweet.  More grass for me.

Deer irritate me.  Any animal that can’t realize a large rapidly moving object is not something with which it shouldn’t fuck probably deserves to be gored by the wheels of a Civic.